I've been thinking and struggling and running away from God

Taken from medium.com/@jasikpark

I've been thinking about whether the world could exist apart from him, or even if I wanted it to exist without him. I've been thinking about how I've been relying on myself and how that's not been working, and how I need to focus on people.

View money as a commodity to grow your people.

I spend so much time in my head and just beating myself up and looking at the world as a whole and trying to wrap my head around the entire thing when I must look at my surroundings and love everyone around me. Rather than spending all of my time on returns and investments in myself, I need to focus on others. Focus on God and others.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, your mind, your soul, and your body, and the second commandment is this: Love your neighbor as yourself.

I know that verse. I have it memorized. (Maybe not. I'll have to look up the actual words later.) But I'm so good at forgetting that verse and explaining it away and claiming that my hurting is what's important right now, when it's not.

JohnMark gave a really good axiom at small group on Thursday. He talked about the guy who wrote THE book on daily devotionals. And people ask that guy why he thinks God chose him to write the second best-selling book ever, after the Bible.

The guy said, "It's because God knew I could handle the money." His friends said, "If I had a million dollars, I would be generous." The guy knew he wouldn't though. "You aren't generous now, and a cool million won't change your character." The point is that I act the same no matter what I have.

The old lady in the parable of the offerings gave her all, even though she only had two coins. The rich man gave a lot of money in a grand show of piety, but the old lady received the real reward. The point is this: I don't have a lot now, but that doesn't mean shit for whether I can be generous or not. It doesn't matter how much I have, I can still give my money and time and prayer and thoughts and knowledge and love. I can still give my money and time and love.

I just need to listen to and ask God and trust Him.