My Velvet Rage

Taken from medium.com/@jasikpark

I am currently finding help and solace in listening to The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs. In the book, he describes many of the psychological problems a gay man may encounter in his life, growing up in a society that invalidates him.

There are three stages to a gay man's life - Shame, … actually I haven't listened to the rest of it yet. It has revealed some common threads in my life with most men that grow up gay, but denying the existence of their unorthodox sexuality.

Ok, so the three stages are: Identity, Meaning, and Authenticity. First, a gay man must deal with his shame to be this thing that society tells him is so terrible. He may choose to either avoid the invalidation of self, or compensate with validation of a false self he puts forward for the world to see, and continue to ignore his sexuality. Next, after accepting himself, and letting himself be gay rather than running from it, he must discover what provides meaning in his life, now that it has become something other than avoiding shame. After spending years finding meaning in having the best life or partner or job or car, he hopefully finally accepts life as it is and enjoys it because of it. Only once he can let life be as it is can he truly enjoy being himself.

I still don't know about authenticity.